Splitting my Soul
by Kez437
Summary: Faced with the reality of loosing Jacob forever Bella realises that she loves her werewolf just as much as her vampire. But she cannot have both. Or can she? Edward and Jacob agree a plan that means they will share Bella until she decides where her heart truly lies. It's set to be the most important fight of their existence.


**Hi guys, so this is an idea I had out of the blue for a story. I'm not sure if it's a moment of brilliance or a moment of complete madness! I can't wait to hear your thoughts so I know whether to continue or not, hopefully you all like it :-) Enjoy!**

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**Be****lla's POV**

'Bella?'

I jumped at the sound of my name and turned to face Edward.

'Yes?'

'I've been speaking to you for the last five minutes Bella' he replied, his tone terse.

'Oh, sorry' I provided lamely. There was nothing else I could say, I had no idea what so ever what he had been talking to me about. I had been lost in a world of my own and I blushed as I realised my thoughts had, once more been on Jacob. It was ridiculous really that I felt so guilty thinking about my best friend but I knew the conflict he caused between Edward and I.

'You must go and speak with him' Edward stated, refusing to meet my eyes.

'No' I replied, horrified at the idea. It was two days from the newborn battle, two days since Jacob had been crushed and two days since I had destroyed what remained of his heart. This was definitely not the first time that I had zoned out when Edward was talking to me. Despite my pining for Jacob I could not face him, there were no words sufficient to apologise to him for the pain I had caused. He would be irate, agonised and in excruciating physical pain all at the same time and I could not face that. It was not fair for me to demand to have him in my life when all I did was hurt him.

The kiss on the mountain top and my profession of love for Jacob remained between Edward and I, a topic too toxic to touch. I had chosen Edward, I loved him and in order to be fair to the three if us I had to sever all ties with Jacob, it would just take time.

'Speaking with him might help Bella, it would clear things up, allow us to get on with our future, with our wedding' he implored, approaching me.

'Things are crystal clear, visiting him would do no good other than hurt us all more' I replied.

'Bella if they are closed then how can you explain the fact that you talk of him in your sleep?' He retorted with a sharpness to his voice that made me wince.

'I'm sorry' I whispered 'I cannot control that, he's lying with half his body crushed all because of me, I cannot forget that'.

He came and sat alongside me on the bed and I could feel his demeanor soften.

'I know, it wasn't fair for me to say that. It's just that, well Bella, this isn't the way it should be. You are always happier you see Jaocb, I'm sure you could still salvage a friendship out of this'.

I leapt off the bed at that, anger coursing through me.

'So that's what you want! You don't want me to end things with Jacob because not having him in my life makes me miserable, you just want me to make it clear to him that it's strictly platonic! You want me to use Jacob to make me happy little Bella again even though you know how he feels about me! By choosing you I gave up any right to have Jacob in my life.' I yelled at him from across the room.

'And was it worth it Bella?' He asked in an oddly calm voice.

'Worth what?' I cried exasperated.

'Was choosing me worth loosing Jacob?' He asked and I gaped at him, lost for words.

'Get out' I growled in a voice that brokered no argument.

His eyes met mine once before he took flight out my window.

**Edwards POV**

Bella's failure to answer my question told me all I needed to know. The reality of loosing Jacob was only beginning to set in and it was clear she was no longer sure of her choice. She had been painfully unhappy since the newborn battle and totally preoccupied with her worry for Jacob. I hated to see her like this and the more I pondered it the more unsettled I became as to her reasoning for choosing me.

Bella had always been determined to become one of us but since Jacob crept into her life she did not voice this desire quite so much. Before we married and before I changed her I needed her to be totally sure that she was making the right decision. Admitting her love for Jacob and the kiss that they shared may have planted a seed of doubt in her mind and I could not spend an eternity with someone who wondered 'what if'. It was this thought that had brought me to the treaty line with a desperate proposition that I hoped would work in my favour.

Within seconds of my arrival I was met by Sam in his wolf form. He eyed me warily from a distance.

'What do you want?' he voiced in his mind.

'To speak with Jacob' I replied.

'No way' was directed back at me. I knew from Carlisle that Jacob was still in a bad way but it was clear that Sam did not want to publisice this information.

'I can assure you that you will suffer his wrath if you do not pass on my request, it regards Bella' I stated.

There was no reply as Sam turned tail but I knew that he was on route to tell Jacob, even the alpha did not dare anger Jacob Black where Bella was concerned.

**Jacobs POV**

'Ahhh, fuuccckk!' I groaned as I pulled myself into a sitting position.

The sweat was dripping off me from this simple action and I was aching all over.

My Dad rolled into my room at my cry of pain.

'You alright son?' he asked as I tried to catch my breath. I knew things were bad when he wasn't even reprimanding me on my language.

'Yeah Dad' I groaned.

'Just a few more days and you'll be on the right side of it. I'll go and get your medicine' he said as he left the room, shutting my door behind him.

Bracing myself I leant and picked up a pair of sweats. Biting my lip I pulled them on one handed. As soon as I had the door bounced open as Sam came striding in.

'Geez man, don't knock or anything, you're about five seconds away from seeing my naked ass' I grumbled.

'Nothing I haven't seen before' he retorted.

'Cullens at the treaty line, wants to talk to you, he says it's about Bella' he spat out.

I forced myself to my feet and as I did so Sam came over to help.

'I'm fine' I said refusing his help as I limped out of my room.

I met my Dad in the living room as Sam relayed the information.

'Jacob, please, you can barely walk' he pleaded but I shook my head.

'I have to go'.

I was thankful when he nodded his acquiescence.

'Take these before you go' he said handing me a fistful of pills, I swallowed them in one and left the house with a determination.

Whatever the leech had to say I was man enough to face it. At least I hoped I was. As I entered the forest I was aware that my brothers were close by in their wolves forms, watching over in me. I was grateful for it, not entirely confident in my strength to carry me to the treaty line.

It took me nearly half an hour where it usually would have taken me ten and five in my wolf form but finally I reached the treaty line, drenched in sweat.

He was standing there, calm and frozen when I emerged from the trees.

'Jacob' he greeted from a distance 'How are you?' He asked.

'Fuck off' I retorted in my mind, out loud I asked 'What do you want? Is Bella ok?'

'I want to speak to you, about Bella, she's unhappy. Since she told you that she chose me she has been downright miserable' he stated succinctly making my heart stop.

What did that mean? I still didn't understand what he wanted. Bella had made her decision, now she had to live with it.

'That's just it. She didn't factor into it that by choosing me she would lose you. She's unsure if she has made the right decision' he said.

'Then why isn't she here, telling me this?' I asked, wiping sweat from my brow.

'Because she hasn't admitted it yet. She doesn't want to hurt me but the fact is she loves both of us. Equally' he replied, his voice strained.

'Yes well she can't have both of us and she's chosen you so there is nothing more to be said about it' I retorted, angry that he had brought me here to put me through this again, wasn't once enough?

'Jacob I do not want to spend my eternity with someone who wonders 'what if',I want Bella to make an informed decision, I want her to choose to be with me, having known the other options.'

'She _does _know the other options, quite clearly.' I replied exasperated, this conversation was pointless.

'No, she knows there was the option of being with you but she doesn't know what that actually feels like. She will always wonder what it would have been like to be with you, wonder if she made the right decision.'

'Yes well that is the consequence of the choice she made, she cannot have the best of both worlds.'

'Why can't she?' He asked and I nearly fainted on the spot.

'_What?' _I spat, horrified at him.

'She loves us both Jacob and she doesn't know which of us she truly wants. Why don't we both date her, that way you get a fair fight and I get to know if she's sure about me and her. When it ends we'll both know, for definite where we stand'.

'Are you fucking joking? You want us to _share _Bella?' He had to be joking, the idea was ludicrous.

'Like I said, a fair fight at the end she knows who she wants and we agree that whoever she doesn't choose walks out of her life for good. A clean break'.

Although I seriously did not want to admit it I was beginning to see logic and appeal in his suggestion. I had always been at a disadvantage when it came to vying for Bella, always overshadowed and disallowed because of _him, _this way I'd finally have a chance no matter how twisted it was.

'Yes, Jacob, a chance' he uttered.

'Get the fuck out of my head!' I growled.

'I don't understand why you are doing this, you have Bella and now you are prepared to give up half of her?' His reasoning baffled and alarmed me.

'I only have half of her now Jaocb, the other half is already with you and I can't live an eternity with her like that' he replied his voice low.

For a reason I couldn't fathom I believed he was telling the truth and I couldn't see any reason why he would lie. There was one key factor missing in this whole proposition.

'Bella will never agree to this' I stated.

'Well we don't know until we ask her and there's no time like the present, you wait here, I'll go get her' he said and I was in too much shock and pain to argue with his order. Instead I made my way to the treelike and sat with my back against a tree taking deep steadying breaths. This whole conversation was ridiculous and Bella was likely to faint when she heard it, there was no point attributing any meaning or hope to it, I would just be disappointed again. So instead if thinking about it I focused on not puking my guts up or passing out.

I heard the sound of his car long before it came into sight so, panting with the effort I heaved myself into a standing position and limped my way into the middle of the road to face the music.

**Bella's POV**

Edward had returned to my house and guessing my mood he chose to call at the front door instead of his accustomed window. I was still absolutely furious with him, not to mention thoroughly confused at my own inability to answer his question. He apologised profusely and begged me to come with him, insisting it was important and grudgingly I gave in.

We did not speak on the way and I was once again lost in my own world. It wasn't until the car came to a stop that I came out of my revere and realised where we were. There was Jacob standing right in front of me in the middle of the road. I turned to face Edward a silent question in my eyes, he nodded and smiled a sad smile. It was all I needed before I hurled myself out of the car.

I stopped inches before Jacob aware of the meters of bandages that circled the left side of his body and around his torso. This close I could see that beneath his russet skin he was grey, his eyes were cloudy and dilated, his lips dry and sweat was rolling off his body as he shook. What on earth was he doing out of bed? He looked ready to faint at any point.

'Jacob' I whisperd, cupping my hand around his cheek.

'Hey Bells' he returned a feeble smile that was a shadow of his usual blinding grin.

'What are you doing here? You should be in bed' I exclaimed.

'I'll let him explain' he replied nodding toward Edward.

I spun having temporarily forgotten Edward.

He stood behind me and I was aware that at present I stood exactly in the middle of Jacob and Edward. The realisation flustered me but I could not move without drawing attention to my predicament and besides I didn't know where I would want to move. My head hurt with thoughts like these so I turned my focus back to Edward to find out what exactly we were all doing here.

'Ok, Bella I want you to hear this through before you make any sort of decision' he started and I nodded nervously.

'Ever since the battle and you made your choice you've been really unhappy and it is clear that you miss Jacob. Yes?' He asked and I nodded again.

'You weren't able to answer my question earlier and I think that's because you don't know the answer. If we are going to be together Bella I want you to be one hundred percent sure. At the minute half of the time you are in a world of your own and it is clear you are thinking of Jacob' he continued and I blushed red, confused and worried as to where this conversation was going. Had they decided that it wasn't fair that I loved both of them and so I should have neither of them? My heart hammered at the thought.

'Jacob and I have had an idea...'

'No, Edward has had an idea' Jacob intervened as Edward glared at him.

'Ok, yes I have had an idea, I think, and don't freak out, I think that it might be worthwhile if you dated both Jacob and I...'

I spluttered incoherently at this and Edward persevered.

'Bella, you don't love one of us more than the other, you love us equally, don't you?' He pressed and I cowered inside, this was the defining reason that I had chosen Edward, because I loved him more and now he was forcing me to admit that that was not the truth. When I did that there would be no separating him and Jacob, they would be on the same plinth and then how was I supposed to know what to do.

'Bella?' Jacob questioned and when I looked up into his pain clouded face I knew the game was up;

'Yes, I love you both equally' I whispered looking at him and then tearing my eyes to look at Edward. This was hell on earth. I felt like I was betraying Edward but he merely smiled a sad, knowing smile.

'We know that Bella but you need to choose one of us, the only fair way to do that is for you to split your time between the two of us for a while until you can make a definite, informed decision. Neither of us want half of you Bella, we want you to be with us fully without pining for the other. This way gives you time to understand who is right for you and it gives us a fair chance.' He finished and I sucked in deep breaths at his suggestion.

'Jacob, what do you think of this?' I asked, playing for time. This was too much for me comprehend.

'It's crazy, I know that, but isn't this whole fucking thing crazy? I want a chance Bella, a proper one and if this is the only way I can get it then I'll take it' he finished.

'I don't know, this is mental, I need time to think about it' I pleaded looking from one of them to the other.

'That's fine Bella, we understand that, just let us know when you've decided' supplied Edward and I nodded in silent thanks.

'I'll take you home' he said and I blanched, drawing towards Jacob.

'Do you mind...can I go with Jacob?' I stuttered, he just looked so frail, so ill and I wanted nothing more than to put him in bed and look after him. I looked up at him and he smiled weakly.

'I'd like that' he said, his voice trembling.

'Of course Bella' said Edward although his voice was strained. I went over and gave him a tight hug, confused beyond belief despite not having made any decision.

He was in the car and away in minutes and it was only then that I went over to Jacob and wrapped my hand around his sweat drenched torso.

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**Look here for gorgeous sweaty/sick Jacob:**

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**Well? What do you think? A good idea or a bit mental? Let me know in your reviews lovely people so I can make my decision! I'm already a little in love but I'm biased of course :-)**


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